Jesse Romein and Charlotte Goede work as Informal Care coordinators at De Regenboog Groep. Looking for buddies for Amsterdam residents in need, they hear many stories. Stories about money worries, depression and loneliness. How do they deal with that?
The people behind the buddy projects
."One boy for whom I was looking for a buddy was signed up from the practice support of his GP," Jesse says. "Depressed, we heard. The boy had been on the waiting list for professional help for some time. That made me uneasy." Colleague Charlotte nods in agreement. Waiting lists, they weigh on both of their shoulders. Jesse: "I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find a suitable volunteer in time to support him. That's going to gnaw at me then." After a brief silence, she continues, "It is not so much the people's stories that make the work difficult, but that there is no professional help yet, while our volunteers are already being called upon. This is happening more and more often, by the way."
"Ambulatory care has been scaled down," Charlotte explains, "local residents are even knocking on the Regenboog's door: 'Can't you guys check on my neighbor? You guys work with volunteers, right? He's quite depressed.'"
Secondary trauma
When you hear tough stories all day, it can have long after-effects. To deal with it better, Jesse and Charlotte take several courses, such as secondary trauma. "Check in with yourself regularly," Jesse tips, "and dare to forgive yourself. For example, I once experienced a participant who was angry with me because I forgot to call her. She felt abandoned. It kept repeating itself in my head, it stressed me out and made me sleep worse for a while."
"I recognize that," Charlotte concurs. "I once suspended someone for using threatening language. Afterwards, I started thinking: was it really that bad? Terrible, that kind of doubt." Jesse: "In the secondary trauma course, I learned that I don't have to blame myself. It was okay how I acted at the time. By forgiving yourself, you show compassion to yourself, and that's important to keep up this work. The same goes for our volunteers. Don't be too hard on yourself."
"That with two people you know: this is a match."
Responsible
As coordinator, Jesse and Charlotte are in regular contact with the volunteers about how things are going. Sometimes a volunteer balks at being called away every time. Jesse: "Our volunteers feel very responsible for that contact. That's what they became buddies for. They are so nice to get someone out of his or her isolation. Then when that doesn't come about, it doesn't feel right." Of course, Charlotte also fully understands when the volunteer's patience runs out at some point: "But contact is not always possible for our participants. Then they want to, but don't succeed."
Vibe
When it does work out, beautiful things happen, both ladies see in practice. "I've paired two girls now," says Jesse, "who love knitting and knitting together. The participant is depressed, she's struggling with grief, but when they're busy together with the crafts, she completely comes to peace." Charlotte: "That makes making pairings fun work, that you feel the same vibe in two people and know: this is a match. Two people who love metal, for example, and can argue about it for hours. Then the contact between participant and buddy goes so much easier."
Soothing
"Even with the depressed boy things worked out," Jesse smiles. "We as coordinators had just done a course where we had learned not to shy away from difficult subjects. If someone, like this boy, says he's dealing with gloomy thoughts, we ask further: do you mean suicidal thoughts? Then it turned out that no one except his family doctor knew about his gloomy thoughts. It really relieved him to be able to talk about it. I asked him if we could also tell his buddy, because we had found one, a psychology student. And the great thing is, that boy had such a good buddy program, precisely because he could talk openly about everything. He was taken seriously and trusted by someone outside his environment who did not judge him. At work he dared to make contact with colleagues and he started a writing and photography course. Great!"