At the many front doors of Amsterdam live a palette of people, some have their lives in order, others struggle with poverty, addiction or loneliness. De Regenboog Groep matches the latter group of Amsterdam residents with a volunteer. What is it really like, being a buddy? We spoke with Nelleke van Thiel-Wortmann (43), an active volunteer with De Regenboog since 2015.
"Where do you find the time?" That's often the first thing Nelleke hears when people find out she's been volunteering in her town for a few years. Logical question, because in addition to being a mother of three young children (10, 8 and 6), Nelleke is a mediator, specializing in litigation support for business disputes.
But if you cycle through the city, Nelleke can also just happen to find herself on a terrace in Amsterdam, behind a cup of tea and next to a De Regenboog Groep participant. "That takes time indeed, but the beauty of being a buddy is that you can arrange that time yourself. A useful tip perhaps for anyone considering becoming a buddy; it's very flexible. Now, for example, I meet once every two weeks, other times once a week. No matter how busy I am, visiting my buddy gives me peace of mind. Everywhere in my life I must do something: in my family, in my work. In my volunteer work, it's just being there."
You get to know the other side of Amsterdam
.The second question people often ask Nelleke is: "Ringing the doorbell at people's homes, isn't that terribly scary?" Nelleke knocks on the door of ex-prostitutes, homeless people and addicts. Laughs: "Well, I sometimes think: where do I leave my coat? Because you end up in houses that are often just a bit dirtier than you are used to. At the same time, in that 'dirty, smoky house' lives a very nice, sweet person. A human being who has led a life that my friends and I cannot imagine. It's also just such a fine line whether you fall off the scale or not. It's a matter of being lucky. Before my work as a volunteer with De Regenboog Groep, I had no idea about that other side of Amsterdam, even though I've lived there since I was 18. Now I cycle through the city and think: behind that facade is a supported living project, that's where my buddy lives and this is where the Volunteer Academy is. That enriches my outlook enormously."
You get very good guidance in your volunteer work
.The reason for knocking on De Regenboog's door was her weekly walk past the Oud West walk-in centre. "I live around the corner and went every Saturday to get delicious rolls from the bakery. Then I would say to my kids: look, these people don't have money for this kind of fancy bread. These people all slept in the Vondelpark last night. I really thought that back then. I wanted to do something for them and signed up at De Regenboog. There I heard they were looking for volunteers. That seemed like a good idea. Moreover, you get very good guidance, starting with a training at the Vrijwilligersacademie. There they explain exactly what your role is. You're not a friend, but you're not a formal caregiver either. As a volunteer, you're somewhere in between. You are also given frameworks; don't lend money to your buddy, for example.
This all made me feel safe, because to be honest: when it came down to it, I was pretty excited to ring the doorbell. I was going to visit an ex-addict, who also lived near me. I thought: am I going to recognize his dealers on the street?"
It holds up a mirror to you
"My first two couplings failed. My first buddy, a woman, kept calling off or just wouldn't open when I was at her door. And I kept insisting. I put up with it for two months. The fact was: she was very shy, I was just new. Quite a shock, but also instructive.
So another tip: don't be too results-oriented and oh yes, don't fly in too hard. I only saw the second participant once. It already went wrong at the introduction I heard afterwards. He told me about an operation on his teeth. I then asked about that. Afterwards I heard that I shouldn't have done that. Certainly not with ex-addicts. I hadn't thought about that at all. I wanted to show interest, but from good intentions you can also fly in too hard. In the end I was linked to Els. A hit. Els (now 62) has a big bunch of red hair and her heart on her sleeve. My children also know who Els is. Els is a lady who enjoys doing fun things with mom. And now mom has a new lady who likes it when I visit. And Els? She now volunteers in a retirement home herself."
Text: Nicolline van der Spek / Photography Merlin Michon