At De Regenboog Groep, Helen ten Hoeve is attention officer for Domestic Violence, Child Abuse and Female Genital Mutilation. She also coordinates the project Victims of Human Trafficking and Exploitation. Tough topics, but for Helen her work is a conscious choice.
"As a woman myself, I went through a lot. I have put that far enough behind me to now feel the drive to support other women in their process. I recognize the signs because I understand the dynamics between partners. And I also see that the aggressor is often a victim himself."
Helen emphasizes that men can also be victims of abuse and human trafficking. Still, the buddy project seeks mostly female volunteers. "We are looking for strong women, preferably over 35, who want to spend time with a participant. Women who want to support women."
What do you notice about someone who is a victim of human trafficking?
"Actually not much, and that's exactly the problem. People often behave as if nothing is wrong, as normal as possible. While some have been abused and trafficked in the most horrific ways. Last week I spoke to a boy whose passport had been taken away. He had to earn it back by having sex with men.
Victims try to put the memories away as deeply as possible because they are unbearable. There is no one standard story-the situations people end up in are very different."
Where do you meet these people?
"Many participants stay at the Center Against Human Trafficking (CTM). There they await their procedure, hoping to get a residence status. But not everyone is allowed to stay. Some are deported unannounced and under police escort.
On entering the CTM, you see people who seemingly have nothing to worry about. But that doesn't mean nothing is going on. The center offers therapy, counseling and structure, and that has to be carefully constructed."
What if, as a buddy, you want to help someone?
"As a buddy, we ask you to leave your 'savior instinct' at home. You are not there to solve someone's problems, but to have positive experiences together: having a cup of tea, going for a walk, rummaging. Talking about light-hearted things. That can be hard, because you know there's a lot going on. But precisely that lightness is what we ask for."
Why are you mainly looking for female volunteers?
"Because most of the victims are women, and contact with men can confront them too much with their past."
Why preferably women over 35?
"Life experience helps. You don't have to be a coach, but it may happen that a participant shares her story with you. You have to be able to handle that. You have to know your limits, take responsibility and provide a stable presence.
But are you younger and feel called? Then by all means sign up!"
How can women sign up?
"Through The Regenboog's website: www.deregenboog.org."
Women - and girl circumcision: "Traditions can change, and that's good"
In addition to her work with victims of human trafficking, Helen is also a focus officer for domestic violence, child abuse and female genital mutilation.
"I think everyone should know that this cultural phenomenon is NOT necessary. There are other rituals that can empower femininity. It would be nice if we could have a conversation with communities about this, without recrimination or threats of punishment."
Colleagues can contact Helen if they suspect domestic violence or child abuse. "We work with a reporting code-a document with steps and help options. In some cases, reporting is mandatory, for example when there is a threat of female circumcision or when a child indicates that he or she is being abused."
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"As women, we have an extra responsibility to each other. We can form a front, support and hold each other. Traditions can change. Eel pulling at the fair used to be normal, now it's not done. Fortunately, more and more men are also speaking out against female circumcision. That's important, because men are the 'spaceholders' for women."
Do you think you're picking up signs of an impending female circumcision?
More information and help can be found at: www.020veiligthuis.nl