With her radiant warmth, she was a bright spot in the lives of homeless people. Now she is retired. Hortance Doest, twenty years porter of Blaka Watra drop-in center.
"I am still brimming with energy," Hortance says with a smile that visitors to Blaka Watra drop-in center know so well from her. In that smile you read genuine interest, attention and warmth. "Whether I am a Nice Amsterdammer? I think so." She chuckles at that, but means it. Hortance radiates self-confidence. This is a woman who is able to help others because she herself is comfortable in her own skin. And that has not always been the case.
Hortance: "At a young age I was abused and started secretly using pot at school. Back then I was still living in Suriname. When I was eighteen I ended up in Amsterdam. It was winter and cold. Friends said, "Take this, it will warm you up. It was heroin. I became addicted. Nobody asks for that. It happens to you. But the painful things I've gone through in my life did make me who I am today: a strong person."
Knowing What It's Like
And she took her experiences into her work. "Because I experienced all those things, I was able to put myself in someone's situation and be there for them. I know what it's like to have negative words thrown at your head. The same thing happened to me when I was an addict. I no longer believed in myself and just wanted to be ugly, just to avoid being seen. Now my WhatsApp says:'I am a sparkling beauty'. Words have power, so I like to say positive things to people, like: 'what beautiful eyes you have', or: 'I see a lot of potential in you'. I love to see people shine. I want to encourage people. I want to hug people. Oh, my god, I'm getting all emotional right now. I know what it's like not to want to accept love. Now I am hugging people with all the warmth I have in me."
Pray outside for half an hour
Hortance continued: "As a doorman, you are the first face people see anyway. I was always very conscious of that. People want to go in in the morning, are cold, frustrated, depressed. They have a head full of stress and want to solve things, but they can't. Then I listened. Once I even stood outside with a boy for half an hour praying, holding hands. He needed that. And I recognize that very well, because for me, too, God has been my salvation. I was so sick one day from heroin that I cried out, "God, if you really exist, come into my heart and change my life! Then I called my mother and she took me to church. I walked into the church building and looked around. All those people glowed in my eyes. To which I said to my mother, 'what I see, I want too.' That's how I fell in love with Jesus. And that's how I got rid of the mess I had been in my head for years."
Just Have a Chat
After she was clean, Hortance got her first job with De Regenboog Groep and this work she did passionately for over twenty years. Her firm, accessible and warm character was forged from a rough past in which redemption came. Hortance: "This allowed me to give love to people who are struggling." She concludes with a brief anecdote: "I remember it well. At the central station, I saw two men looking dirty at a homeless person. Then I heard them say, 'They should shoot them.' I turned around and said, 'PARDON!' If they did that, I wouldn't be standing here.' I'm on my way to a drop-in center. For homeless people. People just like you and me. Have a chat with a homeless person, instead of judging. Then you will hear why someone became homeless.'"
Text: Nicolline van der Spek and Jola Gosen I Photography: Michael Vervuurt
Photos taken at Hortance's retirement party
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