"During the Meet and Eat, I feel free."

Stern meal for LGBTQ+ refugees in a safe setting ...

Every month, we organize a free three-course dinner at neighborhood restaurant De Gravin for refugees and status holders who participate in De Regenboog Groep's LGBTQ+ charity project. On these evenings, like-minded people can meet, share experiences and enjoy dishes prepared with love. We tasted the atmosphere on a special Wednesday evening in December.

As early as two in the afternoon, the Meet and Eat kitchen brigade was busy preparing the festive meal where earthy winter vegetables and sweet autumn fruits were key ingredients. The LGBTQ+ project group, consisting of volunteers, old faithful and new employees, is busy washing, peeling and cutting parsnips, beets, celeriac and pears. They do this under the watchful eye of Fitsum, who in recent years took a chef's course and gained extensive experience in the field. When the doors of The Countess open at six o'clock, the first guests are welcomed by the warm scents of the dishes. Like that of the seasoned chicken roast slowly cooking in the oven. The Meet and Eat team has gone all out for the December edition, courtesy of the Wholesale Market, a much-appreciated sponsor of this evening.

From Tight to Loose

One of the first people to enter is Yassin* from Iraq. The thirty-something, who frequently attends the LGBTQ+ dinners at The Countess, has donned a sweater in festive red for the occasion. Yassin is looking forward to it, his eyes sparkling and his smile broad but also somewhat resigned. "At the place where I am staying, a hotel for refugees, I only see straight faces. There I am wary of residents who condemn my orientation and I don't dare to be myself. Here at The Countess, I am with people like me. During the Meet and Eat evenings, I feel free. I have fun and enjoy dinner."

A Story That May Be Heard

And so this evening's dozens of guests all have a story that is allowed to be heard, both the refugees and status holders present and the buddies associated with them. Our photographer is introduced by a coordinator from De Regenboog Groep. Almost everyone present is fine with being in the picture. Only two lesbian girls from the Middle East and another participant do not want to be photographed, afraid of being recognized and of the consequences, including for their families.

Inseparable couple

In some of the guests' countries of origin, being LGBTQ+ is punishable by death. Like in Iran, where Hadi* and Bagher* had to flee from because of their love affair. In recent years, with the help of a buddy, the men found their way around Amsterdam's gay scene and were introduced to the Meet and Eat nights, where they now volunteer as a dishwashing team to provide shiny plates, glasses and cutlery every month. Hadi and Bagher are both engineers and work at the same airline. In 2021, much to their delight, they got married. Fortunately, this inseparable couple can live an ordinary life here in the Netherlands.

From wife to confident man

Special is the match between buddy Mahdad and participant Omar*, also from Iran. Both are transgender. Mahdad has gone through the journey from woman to man. He is happy with the person he is now allowed to be after six years: a confident man who loves to talk about his experiences. In Iran, he was a sports teacher. Now he is a board member of Sports and Newcomers at TransAmsterdam, a trans organization for arts, culture and lifestyle. His main message: "It's important to make sure you feel comfortable in your body." For Omar, the process of transition is just beginning. Mahdad is happy to guide him through that. Like compatriot Koosha, who is also present tonight as a buddy of another participant, once did for him.

Security

At the various tables, like-minded people talk in a safe setting and often in their own language about past, present and future. About obstacles and victories. But also about more lighthearted matters, such as what's delicious about the menu. And whether there is still room for dessert: tarte tatin with pear, whipped cream and speculoos crumble. All fifty guests again this evening immerse themselves in the warm, cozy atmosphere and feel secure. After dinner, the tables move aside and there is some dancing. Yassin in particular looks intensely happy. His hands go up in the air. To the rhythm of the music, worries disappear. A moment away from everything.

* For privacy and security reasons, some names have been changed.

"LGBTQ+ people flee alone, without family"

Jos Holweg is one of the initiators. He explains, "Together with my colleague Michelle Delleman, I worked at the Schorerstichting, the national knowledge center for homosexuality that went bankrupt in 2012. We were allowed to continue at De Regenboog Groep, where together with interest group COC and VluchtelingenWerk we wrote a plan in 2015 for a buddy project for asylum seekers with an LGBTQ+ background. With the thought: LGBTQ+ people are fleeing alone, without family. How nice would it be to pair these often young refugees one-on-one with an LGBTQ+ peer? In other words: a buddy who helps the newcomer find his way around Amsterdam, helps him meet like-minded people and ensures that he gets a sense of family. The project received funding from the Oranje Fonds, the Meet and Eat evenings came into being, and our team of staff and buddy volunteers, often former participants, grew bigger and bigger. At the end of 2022, I retired. Fulfilled, I was able to hand over the baton to my successor Nassiri Belaraj. And now I still enjoy helping out as a volunteer myself."

Sign up as a buddy here

Text: Iris Stam | Photography: Bas Evers

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