It can be very complicated if your partner or another family member is an addict or has psychiatric problems. Chances are you are dealing with complex behavior. You worry and you want to help the other person, but you don't know how. Maybe you've been someone's only support for a long time and, as a result, you're selling yourself short.
This is what De Regenboog Groep has Partner and Family Support (PFO) for. Our experts Ester and Dick are there for you. Together with you, they will reflect on what the other person's behavior is doing to you. In this way more and more clarity will develop about the situation and how you want to deal with it. You regain insight into what is important to you and learn to act accordingly, step by step.
Because they want the people who need it to know how to find this support from De Regenboog Groep, they write about their experiences. Naturally, with the approval and guaranteed privacy of the people who share their stories.
That is why they write about their experiences.
On dealing with addiction within the family without losing yourself
Ester shares the story of Froukje. She has two addicted brothers and it takes too much of her energy.
"Through the Jellinek, an institution for addiction treatment, Froukje came to us. Froukje is very involved with her two brothers. Brothers who are both addicted and have psychiatric problems. Froukje wants to keep in touch with both brothers, but not at their expense. It keeps her too busy now and costs her too much energy.
.Froukje doesn't like speed
.This sister's gentle involvement touches me. Froukje talks about the situation with her brothers as if it were not about her. She tells the facts. She does so with a cheerful face and with a certain firmness too. It's done and dusted. As if she doesn't feel that much about it. I get the idea that this is not true. I invite her to breathe a little more as she talks about her brothers and the difficult situations they are in. I also ask her how it is for her that her brothers struggle so much. This creates more feelings about the situation. Your feelings are important signposts in life. If you are in your head a lot, you miss these important signposts. If you want to feel a little more, it helps to breathe a little more. Feelings don't like speed very much. Slowing down also helps you feel more.
Little space for herself
In our conversations we find out that Froukje is used to asking a lot of questions of others, giving them space and leaving little room for herself. She discovers that she doesn't like that at all. This happens not only in the contact with her addicted brothers, but actually in many conversations she has, even at work. We discuss together what she can do in that. You could ask fewer questions, you could drop more silences, and what would it be like to tell something about yourself from yourself? She eagerly absorbs all the tips and even gets a desire to play with them.
Giving money out of guilt
We also reflect on what kind of sister Froukje wants to be for her addicted brothers. For example, she regularly gives money to her addicted brothers. She explains that she does that because she feels guilty. She feels guilty that her life is easy for her and that her brothers have to work so hard for it. Once this is expressed, it creates space for her to explore whether this is what she wants. Surely she would like to stop doing this. In this way, she gradually discovers who she wants to be for her brothers."
Are you looking for help dealing with a loved one with addiction and/or psychiatric problems?
Do you feel like you're on your own? Could you use some help in how to deal with this? Then feel free to contact us.
We can offer 15 calls to these loved ones in Amsterdam at no charge. You can email us at pfo@deregenboog.org or call us at 020 531 7600.
Do you prefer us to contact you? Then go to the application form.